- If a man speaks in the woods with no woman to hear .. is he still
- I can't believe Murdock beat out a million other sperm.
- If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing
on my shoulders. (Hal Abelson)
- In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create
the universe. (Carl Sagan)
- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells
you the time. Then he keeps the watch.
- I never repeat gossip, so I'll say this only once.
- I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
- I couldn't fail to disagree with you less!
- Our universe is simply one of those things which happen from time
- What is it that breathes fire into the equations and makes a universe
for them to describe? (Stephen Hawking)
- To be immortal with a finite memory is highly unsatisfactory. (Freeman
- Why should I care about future generations - what have they ever done
- Maybe one day we'll figure out how to synthesize a new universe in
a lab, set off a Big Bang, and move in.
- Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think
I've forgotten this before. (Steven Wright)
- The three great American lies: Of course I'll respect you in the morning.
The check is in the mail. I'm from the government and I'm here to help
- Committees do harm merely by existing. (Freeman Dyson)
- Your IQ is so low it's almost a shoe size.
- I keep six honest serving men (They taught me all I know); Their names
are What and Why and When And How and Where and Who. (Rudyard Kipling)
- There is a wide variety of opinions on consultants. Some people hate
them, and some people hate them a lot.
- I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve
it through not dying. (Woody Allen)
- Humanity can be divided into two categories: those who divide humanity
into two categories and those who don't.
- The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds
new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I've found it!) but "That's funny...."
- And finally, to my cousin Willie, who always wanted to be remembered
in my will, Hi, Willie.
- Dyslexics, untie!
- Sure I am a freeloader but my morals permit that.
- And this is your wife, or am I mistaken again?
- You can observe a lot just by watching. (Yogi Berra)
- In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice
there is. (Yogi Berra)
- The noble art of losing face will one day save the human race. (Piet
Hein, quoted by Hans Blix)
- Everything's either concave or -vex, so whatever you dream will be
something with sex. (Piet Hein)
- I was promised flying cars! Where are the flying cars?! (Avery Brooks)
- It's not the things I forget that bother me; it's the things I remember
clearly that never happened.
- If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
- See you in my next play, you bastard! (August Strindberg)
- Weather prediction will never be accurate until we kill all the butterflies.
- I do not know who discovered water, but it probably was not a fish.
- When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.
- Theology is man telling God what to think.
- I believe you when you say that you understand what you think I said,
but I am not sure you understand that what I said is not what I meant.
- Eschew obfuscation.
- I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming like
- It ain't over till the fat lady sings. (Tristan
and Isolde, perhaps?)
- The fat lady is clearing her throat. (A standard
comment from kibitzers on the Internet Chess Club.)
- Of course I don't believe that putting a horseshoe
over my door will bring me luck, but they say that it brings luck even
to those who don't believe in it. (Niels Bohr)
- Military justice is to justice what military music
is to music. (Groucho Marx)
- Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd
come in and sink my boats.
- If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee.
- I spent most of my money on wine, women, and song, and wasted the
- Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay
the old aside. (Alexander Pope)
- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Whether you think you can do something or you can't, you will be right.
- It is much easier to work harder than it is to work smarter.
- Practice does not make perfect, it makes permanent.
- Just because I'm biased doesn't mean I'm wrong!
- Carrots improve your vision but alcohol doubles it.